


time is a herb that cures all diseases - hlvrai

by petripawss



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, Other, Swearing, they have pet shrimp because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29374992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petripawss/pseuds/petripawss
Summary: three years after the events of Black Mesa, somebody knocks on Gordon Freeman’s door. yeah, it’s Benrey.———basically it’s just the Science Team healing from their shared trauma and doing stuff. there’s a tiny bit of angst at the start but I’m really just writing this because I want them all to be happy, it’s my first fanfic ever so sorry if it’s bad :’)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

Gordon Freeman sat on the couch, trying desperately to clear his mind. His therapist had said that meditation would be relaxing, not make him even more stressed out. Maybe it was the heat. A cicada drowsily buzzed in the garden and Gordon took a deep breath. He began to unwind.  
There was a knock at the door. Gordon stood up, suppressing a burst of irritation, and affixed a grimacing smile to his face before checking to see who was outside.  
“Hey, Feetman.”  
Benrey grinned at Gordon and immediately collapsed.

“What the fuck?” Gordon caught Benrey in midair, and stared at him with a mixture of anger and dread. He was tempted to let go, but instead carried them into the living room and set them down on the couch.  
“Hello, Gor- wait, is that Benrey?”  
Bubby peered in from the corridor. He adjusted his glasses and walked over to Gordon.  
“Where did he come from?” Gordon just wordlessly shook his head.  
Benrey looked awful - well, worse than he normally did. His helmet was dented, and bluish blood seeped from a cut on their face. A thin layer of dust coated their skin.  
Tommy padded up behind the two and blinked in surprise.  
“Mister Freeman? W-why is Benrey on the sofa?”  
Gordon massaged his temples.  
“Look, guys. We can drive out to Dry Gulch and just leave him there. Nobody’ll know. This can all just be over.”  
Frowning, Tommy said, “But… but he’s hurt.”  
“So?”  
“Can he stay? Just for tonight?”  
“They’re not your friend.”  
Tommy looked pleadingly at Gordon.  
“Okay. Fine.” Gordon snapped, turning away from him. “If he tries to kill you, it’s not my fault.”

———————————————————————

A teacup struck the tiles and exploded into shards. Gordon gritted his teeth, scooping up the pieces with care. It had been his favourite one, too.  
Joshua came in, startled by the noise.  
“Don’t walk any further, there’s a broken-”  
“Who’s that person on the sofa, dad?”  
Gordon didn’t reply for a second.  
“An acquaintance. Don’t worry about them, okay?”  
He put the ceramic fragments in the bin and dusted off his hands, picking up Joshua and spinning him around.  
“Hey, shouldn’t you be in bed?”  
Joshua mumbled something incoherent and hid his face in Gordon’s shoulder.

Benrey slowly became conscious of light glowing through his closed eyelids. They blinked, everything kaleidoscopically blurred for a second. The image abruptly resolved itself into Gordon clutching a baseball bat.  
“Look, I-”  
“The only reason you’re here is because Tommy wanted you to stay the night. You’ve fucked up my life enough. I’m not going to listen to you again. I have a happy life now, with my son, and my friends, and our own house, and I won’t let you mess this up too.”  
Gordon glared at Benry. “Why are you even here? To laugh at me?”

“Maybe I want to have some happiness too.”

“What does that even mean?”  
He stood up.  
“We’re done here. I’m taking you to Dry Gulch, and leaving you, and that’s it.”

———————————————————————

The wood of the table had some interesting swirls in it, which became a lot more fascinating when a pair of angry scientists were bickering over your head. Tommy wished he had stayed in his room.  
“Look, they’ve been here for a day already, a week is too much,” said Bubby.  
“It’s not that much. A week is infinitesimal in the unstoppable march of time,” countered Dr Coomer with a faint smile.  
“Yes, but lots can happen in seven days.”  
“Not that much.”  
“...All right. Anything for you.”  
Gordon came out into the garden, a teapot in hand along with four mugs. He poured out some of the boiling liquid into each.  
“Rosemary tea. I heard it’s good for you.”  
Tommy didn’t think that a cup of brownish leaf-water was going to do much, but he pretended to appreciatively sip it. Dr Coomer and Bubby both started discussing odd jobs they had to do, but Gordon was lost in thought.  
“I have to water those new lavenders at some point,” Bubby said. “They seem a bit sickly.”  
“They do, but it could just be the weather,” agreed Dr Coomer.  
“They’ll be nice for lavender bags. I heard they keep away moths.”  
“Oh, that’s good. Moths are very dangerous.”  
Tommy held his breath and counted to five. He wasn’t going to say anything. He wasn’t going to say anything. He was-  
“Where’s Benrey going to sleep?” Tommy blurted out.  
Everyone went silent. Tommy could hear the silvery burble of a lark bunting somewhere behind the house. He and Joshua went birdwatching a lot in the evenings, when there was nothing to do.  
“I have to go and… hang up the washing,” George muttered, getting up from the table and practically sprinting back into the house.  
“Yes, Bubby, shouldn’t we check on the shrimp tank? Make sure they’re not fighting again?”  
Dr Coomer left too, Bubby quickly following him.  
Tommy was alone in the garden. It was what he had wanted, but instead of being relieved, he just felt vaguely nauseous. It was probably because of the tea.  
Sunkist loped out onto the patio and put their head on Tommy’s knee. He smiled weakly, stroking the dog’s golden fur. Sunkist always made him feel better. It was probably because they were the perfect dog.

———————————————————————

Dr Coomer dropped the last of an algae wafer into the tank. A pair of ghost shrimp immediately spotted the green pellet and swam over to it. They squabbled for a moment before the larger shrimp took possession of it and ripped the wafer into shreds.  
He replaced the lid of the aquarium, watching the shrimp eat. They wouldn’t need to be fed until Friday.  
He left the laboratory and went downstairs as quietly as possible. In the living room, Benrey was poking at the Venus Flytrap with a twig.  
“Hey, uhh, what’s this plant?”  
“That is a Venus Flytrap, Benrey!”  
“Cool,” they said absently.  
“If I may inquire, how did you get here?”  
“Well. I woke up in Black Mesa about nine days ago and nobody was there, so I just walked until I ended up at your house,” he explained.  
“That’s around six hundred miles.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Why did you choose to come here, of all places? Last time we met, you were trying to kill us.”  
Benrey didn’t say anything.  
“Hello?” Dr Coomer prodded Benrey.  
The silence stretched on like a desert.  
“Fine, then, sulk if you want to. At least move to the spare room so that we can use the couch again.”  
Benrey nodded, standing up as if on autopilot. Then he blinked.  
“But Gordon said I was leaving this morning?”  
“Surprise! You’re not. We’ve decided to let you stay for this week, see if we can find somewhere to leave you that’s less close to our house.”  
“Oh. Okay, then.”  
The spare room was small and gloomy, but definitely better than being on the couch. Benrey took a duvet from on top of the washing machine and morosely cocooned themself in it. Idly blowing a few spheres of Black Mesa Sweetvoice™ towards the tiny window, he watched them fade away into nothingness. 

———————————————————————

Somebody had trodden dirt into the carpet. Again. Gordon made a noise like an angry frog and resignedly went to get the hoover. No matter how many times he told Tommy to take off his shoes before going into the house, there was always mud on the floor.  
Creaking open the door to the spare room, he blindly fumbled around for the vacuum cleaner.  
Suddenly, a hand grabbed his forearm.  
“Benrey?”  
A pair of softly glowing yellow eyes scrutinised Gordon from the corner.  
“Hey. What do you want?”  
“Why are you in here?”  
“Dr Coomer said I should come in here so that I’d stop taking up space on the couch.”  
Gordon frowned.  
“Weird. He doesn’t ever really sit on the couch. Anyway, you’re supposed to be going now.”  
“I am?”  
“Yes, that’s what we agreed to yesterday evening. Don’t pretend you’ve forgotten.”  
Benrey didn’t speak for a minute.  
“...Dr Coomer said I was going to stay for this week?”  
“What? I didn’t agree to that.”  
He strode off, leaving Benrey and an abandoned hoover in the dark together.

“Hello, Gordon! Are you all right?”  
“When did you decide that Benrey was going to stay?”  
Dr Coomer knew that he’d made a mistake. Gordon had stormed into his room brandishing a dustpan and brush like twin knives.  
“Bubby and I discussed it this morning,” he responded.  
“Without me.”  
“Gordon, you were doing other things.”  
“So? You could have at least told me!” he snapped.  
“Actually, you know what? Benrey is leaving right now. I’m sick of him turning everyone against me. He’s been here long enough.”  
“Gordon, wait-”  
Gordon ran down the stairs two at a time, snatching his car keys off the windowsill. He flipped the light switch and the bulb flickered into life, revealing Benrey sitting very still behind a dish towel.  
“Come and get in the car.”  
“Why?” they asked.  
“You’re going now.”  
Gordon took Benrey’s hand and dragged him out of the house and along the path. A small yellow car sat in the dust.  
“There it is.”  
Benrey reluctantly got in.  
The car coughed into life and Gordon revved up, bumping across the gravel. He turned out onto the lane and drove off towards the hiking trails. Nobody was out today except them. The roads were empty, other than the crickets.  
The Dry Gulch hiking trails were all but forgotten - grown over with bracken and weeds. Gordon only knew about them because Tommy had found an old walking map in the thrift store.  
“Where are you taking me?” asked Benrey, sounding oddly serious for once. He kicked his legs like a discontented toddler.  
“Dry Gulch. You can use the trails to go wherever you want. Just nowhere near me.”  
The car came to a halt in front of a bleak-looking ravine.  
“Get out.”  
Benrey didn’t move.  
“Out.”  
He kicked open the car door and stepped out onto the dry grass. The little yellow car immediately sped away, leaving Benrey to make his way towards the path.  
It was going to be a long walk back to Black Mesa.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the comments and kudos on the last chapter! it really made my day :)  
> anyway, this chapter gets more into the storyline and has a bit more fluff in it, that’s all I can say without giving too much away

Chapter Two

A kestrel had been watching the herb garden for hours. It hovered lazily over the little patch of plants, chessboard-patterned wings outstretched. Rising thermals kept the bird nearly stationary in the air.

A small, green lizard dashed out into the open and skittered across the grass. It had almost reached the safety of the bushes before the kestrel spotted it.

Tommy would have normally tried to save the little reptile, but today he wasn’t watching the birds. He lay on the floor of the hide, halfheartedly flicking through an animal encyclopedia. Everything was so  _ boring _ . Even sea slugs seemed uninteresting today.

He read on for a few minutes, then sighed and shut the book. It was getting late, and the light was becoming too faint to read by. Gathering up his pillows, Tommy made his way back to the house, oblivious to the dead lizard on the lawn. He went up to the attic and flopped lifelessly onto his bed. 

Passing by the doorway to Tommy’s room, Gordon watched him hugging Sunkist for a second, and then went downstairs as quietly as possible. He leant his forehead against the front door.

It had been two weeks since Benrey left, and the feeling of emptiness had only gotten worse. When he was driving back from Dry Gulch, he’d been able to see them in the wing mirror. They looked very small against the vast expanse of desert.

To be fair, Gordon had expected that Benrey would take the path towards the bus station. He didn’t expect them to just strike off into the wilderness on their own.

On their own.

He drummed his hands on the door. Maybe if they got out of the house for a few days it would help. Joshua always wanted to go places, so they-

“Mister Freeman? Are you okay?”

Tommy gently shook his shoulder, gazing up at him concernedly. 

“Hey, Tommy. I’m fine, just a bit sick of being at home, I guess.”

“Y- yeah. Okay.”

Tommy kept avoiding his eyes.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay,” he said quietly.

Dr Coomer was busily overwatering an artichoke when Gordon walked into the laboratory. Beaming at Gordon, he set the watering can precariously down on a stack of books.

“Hello, Gordon! How are you doing today? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Gordon tried to reply, but no words came out. He sadly picked up the potted artichoke as if he was going to begin soliloquising to it.

“Honestly, I don’t really know. I… I think I made the wrong decision. About Benrey, that is. I feel awful.”

Dr Coomer stopped smiling, his expression becoming grave.

“I think you might have misjudged Benrey. He didn’t come here to annoy you.”

“Yeah, I know, but I don’t think I can forgive him.”

“You’ll only know if you try, though.”

Gordon scrubbed at his face with his sleeves, groaning.

“What should I do? What the hell should I do?”

“Gordon, I can’t make decisions for you,” Dr Coomer said. “You have to choose what to do for yourself.”

He nodded.

“Right.”

———————————————————————

A few hours later, Gordon was looking apprehensively up at Black Mesa.

It did come in handy to have a helicopter sometimes. Tommy had inexplicably got it as a birthday present from his dad last year, somehow entirely encased in gift wrap. Weirder things had happened, he supposed. 

The towering, charred ruins of Black Mesa rose above the sea of grass, silhouetted against the yellow light. It resembled the carcass of a whale. 

Gordon approached it warily. This was the first time he had seen it since he left, three years ago. He hadn’t thought he’d ever be back. 

The facility was eerily silent, scorched shells of buildings clustered around the yard. Running across it, he went through a cavernous doorway and into the gloomy interior of the laboratories. 

“Hello?”

Gordon’s voice echoed weirdly through the labyrinthine structure, becoming quiet and muffled. The wind rattled the maze of walkways above. Something fell from the roof.

Blinding floodlights illuminated the concrete. Gordon spun around, blinking furiously. 

Benrey perched on top of a truck, staring impassively down at Gordon. 

**_“Weak.”_ **

“Benrey? Where the hell did you come from?”

“Uhh. Ceiling.”

Gordon blinked.

“Okay?” He exhaled wearily. “I’m sorry. I’ve had two weeks to think about this. I shouldn’t have reacted so fast.” He awkwardly twirled a loose strand of hair, avoiding Benrey’s eyes.

They remained taciturn.

“Can you at least say something?”

Benrey sent a spiral of Black Mesa Sweet Voice™ into the darkness.

“Good enough,” Gordon sighed. He came a few steps closer to the truck.

“Hey, you can come stay at the house with us if you want. I don’t really mind.” He waited a few seconds, and when Benrey stayed quiet, backed away towards the exit.

“Right. Okay. I guess I’m going now, then?” For a moment, it seemed like Benrey was going to stay sitting atop the truck. 

Then he jumped to the floor and followed Gordon out into the fading sunlight.

Benrey had never been in a helicopter before. He watched the endless plains go by with great interest, although there was very little to see. It was nice to have a different perspective.

Gordon wasn’t enjoying the flight as much. The combined stress of piloting a three-ton metal bumblebee and trying to make conversation was having an effect on his nerves that not even breathing techniques was helping. He didn’t want to ever go near a helicopter again after this trip was over. 

The silence was beginning to feel awkward. Gordon desperately searched for something to ask Benrey. Just when he’d finally settled on a question, Benrey spoke.

“So, whatcha been doing all this time?”

Gordon was surprised that Benrey even cared, but he still answered.

“Nothing much. I started gardening, about a year ago. Joshua’s in school now.”

“Cool.”

“What about you?” Gordon asked reflexively. Benrey squirmed in his seat like a salted snail.

“Um. Don’t really wanna talk about it. Not fun.” 

Gordon winced. “Sorry.” 

They were nearing the house, now. The only place to land was the front garden - not ideal, but it’d have to do. He dipped the nose of the helicopter and it came to rest on the ground. A cloud of dust enveloped the craft. 

Tommy ran out of the house to greet Gordon, Joshua and Sunkist in close pursuit. With one hand holding tightly onto his hat, he waved wildly at the helicopter. Gordon slid the door back, stepping out.

“Hello, Tommy, hello, Joshua.”

“Mister Freeman! W- where did you go?”

He caught sight of Benrey and his eyes widened.

“Benrey!! Hey!”

Benrey smiled awkwardly. 

“Hi. What’s up.”

Talking at nineteen to the dozen, Tommy escorted them into the house. Joshua stopped for a second to appreciate the helicopter and then followed his friend inside.

———————————————————————

Benrey was sure that they were hallucinating. He must be.

Gordon Freeman was  _ not _ offering him a cup of soup.

“I know it's kinda weird, but we only had crouton and vegetable flavour left,” he said, holding out the mug. Benrey took it and stirred the soggy pieces of carrot with a fork. It wasn’t the best, he had to admit, but mediocre soup was better than nothing.

It was a bearable temperature outside now, so everyone was sitting in the garden. A pair of candles on the picnic table flickered in the slight breeze. Tommy had found a snail on the patio, which he was happily attempting to feed with a piece of dandelion leaf, and Dr Coomer and Bubby were quietly conversing in the shrubbery. Gordon felt strangely at peace - it felt like time was slowing down. He began to relax.

Wait.

“Hello, Mister Freeman. I see you have made a friend.”

Of course, G-Man had decided to join the party. He stood in the shadows, just outside the pool of candlelight. It had been such a strange day that Gordon just nodded exhaustedly and put his head in his hands.

“Benrey’s return to this reality was… inevitable. We have had time to prepare, should they attempt anything, but we must be careful,” he said.

“Great, whatever.” 

G-Man gave him a strange look.

“We planned to monitor him, but seeing as he is sticking so closely to you, the need has been… eliminated, somewhat.”

“Amazing.”

“Well, then,” he said. “If you are aware of the risks, then I suppose there is nothing more that I need to say. You… you do know of the risks, I suppose?” 

“Yup. Totally.”

“Good. That is very important.”

He held Gordon’s stare, gliding eerily back into the night.

Time restarted with an unpleasant jolt. Gordon glanced at Benrey, but he seemed to have missed G-Man’s sudden appearance. 

It was probably better just not to say anything. 

———————————————————————

There were three glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, which Benrey had been happily staring at for hours. He was replaying the day’s events over and over in his head like Tommy with a funny cat video, extracting every possible particle of serotonin from them.

Sitting on the roof, and spotting the helicopter in the distance was like a weird dream. Even weirder was Gordon turning up and apologising, of all things. And sitting in the garden with him.

There was a bird outside that wouldn’t shut up, but Benrey was still beginning to fall asleep.

He hadn’t slept in about a month. It was nice to rest.

———————————————————————

**_I’ve been here so long that I can’t recall my name._ **

**_There’s nothing except darkness._ **

**_Maybe there was never anything except darkness._ **

**_No, I still remember how I got here. Not the first time I’ve died, but certainly the most painful._ **

**_That weak little human managed to kill me._ **

**_I’ll kill him. A thousand times over. He won’t get away again._ **

**_It’s no use wasting energy thinking about it. I just have to wait._ **

**_I just have to wait._ **

**_wait._ **

**_is that?_ **

**_Birdsong?_ **

No. No. No. You can’t be here. This is just a nightmare. Just another bad dream.

It’s impossible.

I left you behind.

**_Where is ‘here’? What’s going on?_ **

**_Oh._ **

**_Hello…_ **

**_Benrey._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: blood, shapeshifting
> 
> as you can probably tell from the trigger warning, things are getting more eldritch and spicy in this chapter!! it’s probably been my favourite to write so far :)  
> also, I did some quick sketches of how I imagine the characters looking in this fic, and I’m posting them on my Tumblr (@bug-s0up) and Instagram (@bugs0up_) if you want to see them!

Chapter Three

“Hey. Hey, wake up.”

This would have been a perfectly acceptable greeting coming from Joshua or Tommy, but Gordon did  _ not  _ want to wake up and see Benrey looming over him like the Grim Reaper. He made an incoherent squeak and edged away from them, trying to disappear behind a pillow. Benrey mercilessly drew the curtains and sat down on the end of the bed. This was a nightmare. 

“Go away!” he pleaded. “Get up,” was their only reply. Groaning, Gordon stood up, putting on a pair of fluffy slippers. He shuffled down the stairs, closely followed by Benrey.

The kitchen was bright and sunny. Tommy stood next to a waffle iron, confusedly rubbing his eyes. 

“Mister Freeman!” he exclaimed. “I- I’m sorry, I tried to make some waffles, but they burnt.” Gordon nodded tiredly.

“Okay. Well done, Tommy, I’ll take it from here.” 

This happened practically every morning. Gordon didn’t mind, because he knew Tommy was trying his best, but it did get annoying cleaning blackened egg from the waffle iron daily. He rinsed it quickly under the tap, poured in a fresh batch of waffle batter, and left it to cook while he put some orange juice in a sippy cup for Joshua. As always, Tommy was having soda. Dr Coomer and Bubby shared a pot of tea, and Gordon kept a supply of iced coffee in the fridge. 

“Benrey, what d’you want to drink?” he asked. Benrey momentarily froze.

“Gatorade?”

Surprisingly normal. He uncapped one and handed it to Benrey, who had nearly forgotten how to drink. Gordon tipped the waffles out onto a plate with some leftover fruit salad and took them outside. Already, the day was too nice to be indoors.

Bubby and Dr Coomer were standing in the garden, checking the rosemary’s leaves for greenfly, when Gordon appeared on the patio. “Guys, I made some waffles for you, if you want them,” he said, putting the plate down carefully.

Joshua wandered out with Tommy accompanying him, both holding cans of soda. Gordon immediately took Joshua’s (“Fizzy drinks are bad for your teeth!”) and waved at Benrey, who was lurking by the laurel. “Hey, come have some food!” he called. Benrey continued to fixedly stare at the wall. “Don’t worry, we’ve got more than enough waffles,” he tried. They abruptly turned around to face Gordon.

**_“Murderer.”_ **

He recoiled. “Wha.. what the hell?”

Benrey blinked, pupils dilating like a cat’s.

“Oh. Sorry ‘bout that. I zoned out for a second.”

Gordon nodded warily. “Fine. Okay.”

Sitting down next to him, Benrey picked a waffle and bit into it, displaying worryingly sharp teeth. He munched discontentedly for a second. 

“This tastes like  _ egg _ .”

“Yes, Benrey, they do! A waffle is mainly composed of eggs and flour!” Dr Coomer chipped in with a smile.

“What are we gonna do today?” asked Tommy. Bubby leant pensively on the table, flicking a bottle cap back and forth.

“Go for a walk?” he suggested. Gordon made a noise of agreement and Tommy grinned. “C-can we go to the valley?” he asked. 

“Sure, I’ll go get ready.” Gathering up the cutlery, Gordon went back into the kitchen. Benrey quickly finished his waffle and then trailed in after him.

———————————————————————

Trees soared high over the path like a green cathedral. Gordon hoisted an absurdly large rucksack further up his back and kept walking. Benrey was at the back of the group, struggling to keep up. His legs were short, and he didn’t like hiking. 

Joshua, however, was far ahead of the Science Team, almost invisible in the dappled shade. Every time he saw an insect, he called out to Tommy, who was making a list of them in a spare notebook. So far, he had used up nearly all of the pages, and all Joshua had seen were ants. 

There were a lot of ants out today, but mainly the ones with wings. They marched through the tall grass next to the path and hurled themselves into the air at random intervals. Tommy had tried to keep ants at one point. He only found out they stung  _ after _ the entire colony escaped, which was unfortunate. 

Dr Coomer was reciting the Wikipedia page on trees to Bubby, who looked unusually interested. Benrey was not so enamoured. He started desperately speed-walking, but Dr Coomer was still audible. 

“...trunk typically contains woody tissue for strength, and vascular tissue to carry materials from one part of the tree to another. For most trees it is surrounded by a layer of bark which serves as a protective barrier. Below the ground, the roots branch and spread out widely; they serve to anchor the tree and extract moisture and nutrients from the soil!”

Finally, his voice faded away, but not before they had heard the bulk of the Wikipedia article. Now, Benrey was walking in step with Gordon. They were beginning to find breathing difficult.

“Oh, hi, Benrey,” Gordon said. “You okay?”

Benrey focused on the ground, ignoring Gordon. It was a difficult habit to break.

There was a small potato beetle crawling across the path. It reminded Benrey of a humbug that somebody had dropped. He picked it up, watching it wave tiny, clubbed antennae. 

“What’s that?” Gordon asked, glancing over at Benrey. 

“A little. Um. Horse.” replied Benrey.

“I… don’t think that’s a horse.” Gordon tried not to laugh. He slowed down, peering at the beetle. Benrey almost fell over, dizziness overwhelming him. He dropped the insect with a faint ‘tac’.

“Hey, are you all right?” Gordon asked. He knew that walking could be tiring, but the car was less than a mile back. Maybe it was the heat.

“Guys, can we slow down?” he called. They walked at a slightly more leisurely pace, giving Tommy the opportunity to spot and catalogue the potato beetle. Joshua took a blurry photo of it.

Gordon stayed next to Benrey, trying to make small talk to calm him down. 

“Do you have a favourite colour?” he asked, attempting to appear unfazed. Benrey’s head was pounding, but they still answered.

“Orange, I guess,” they said, and collapsed for the second time that week.

———————————————————————

When Benrey came to, Gordon was shaking him gently. They were propped up against a tree stump, head resting on someone’s folded jacket. “Benrey? Hello? Oh, you’ve woken up.” Gordon asked.

“I passed out.” Benrey said groggily.

“Yeah, I can see that. Do you know why?”

Benrey shook his head. “I think-”

They couldn’t breathe. They couldn’t speak. It hurt so much.

**_“Hello.”_ **

Gordon’s heart stopped for a second as he watched the ink-blot apparition trail out of Benrey’s mouth like smoke. It shifted around for a second, and then coalesced into a monstrous, dragonlike form with twisted antlers reaching far above a nebulous head. 

The thing was covered in hundreds of  _ eyes _ . 

Slitted pupils zeroed in on Gordon like crosshairs, and he finally unfroze, flinching away from the proximity of its six razor-sharp claws. 

“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the-”

**_“You killed me. YOU KILLED ME. I WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE.”_ **

The creature lunged at Gordon, shooting a smaller pair of jaws from its mouth. He just managed to dodge and fell to the ground. It writhed in the air, furiously spewing glowing spheres of blood-red sweetvoice. 

**_“DIE.”_ **

Benrey lay in the mud like a discarded puppet. His insides were burning like molten lead. He twitched his hand. It seemed to be working. 

Pushing himself up off the ground, he watched with terror as Gordon was chased around the clearing, narrowly missing being vaporised by a blast of blue lightning. He moved around the tree circle, trying to stay out of sight. 

“What  _ are _ you?” Gordon said incredulously from behind the tree stump. A jet of sweetvoice crackling with energy was aimed at his head. Benrey ran towards the entity, pulling a kitchen knife out of his pocket. He stabbed at the dragon-creature, but it drew back and reformed like iridescent smoke around the knife.

**_“I AM DOING THIS FOR YOUR BENEFIT. WE ARE ONE.”_ **

“Shut up!” He tried to impale one of the huge yellow eyes. It screeched angrily and hit back with a spiked tail. Benrey slammed into a tree and felt blood begin dripping from their nose. They shrank back as it advanced, rattling sets of papery wings threateningly.

**_“If you will not understand, I must make you comply.”_ **

It raised the tail above its head, ready to strike, and Benrey sent a faint stream of sweetvoice towards it. He was about to die - maybe for the final time.

The sweetvoice wrapped around the thing’s neck like a chain, constricting it. It thrashed and shrieked, but could not escape. Benrey got to his feet and wiped the blood off his face as the creature disappeared in a time-warping flash of light.

———————————————————————

Tommy, Bubby, Joshua and Dr Coomer arrived to see Benrey and Gordon staring at the spot where the being had vanished. 

“What happened?” asked Bubby. Gordon shook his head.

“I don’t know. Do  _ you _ know what that was?” Gordon asked Benrey, who looked shaken. They closed their eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

“Ok. This is gonna be a long explanation.” They leant back against a tree, anxiously plucking off a leaf and tearing it into shreds.

“So, I’m, like. Not human. I can reincarnate from basically anything and it’s fine. It’s a great cool. But when you guys killed me, I woke up in a void and I was… split in two, I guess? It was different from normal. Me and the- the other me got on pretty well, but it got really angry with me because it wanted to kill you and I wouldn’t let it. Um. Then I was in Black Mesa, and I just walked until I found your house. Yeah.”

“That was you?” Gordon said in disbelief. Dr Coomer and Tommy looked blank. Joshua was eating a blade of grass.

Benrey nodded wearily. “Not  _ me  _ me, though. Normally I just use that bit of me to teleport. When we were on Xen, and I was using my powers and stuff? That was… that.”

Gordon frowned.

“Right. So, how do we kill it?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: blood, shapeshifting  
> this was the most important and longest chapter to write so far, and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out!  
> also, happy HLVRAI anniversary day for yesterday :D

Chapter Four

Gordon dabbed carefully at the cut on Benrey’s cheekbone. He cleaned the dried indigo blood off their skin with an antiseptic wipe, Benrey fidgeting incessantly in the camping chair all the while, and stuck a small plaster on their face. Finally, he drew back and surveyed the shallow wound. It looked as clean as it would get with the limited supplies Dr Coomer had brought.  
“All right, it’s done now. You okay?” he said.  
“Yeah, thanks.”  
Gordon frowned. Benrey must have been really freaked out if he was actually being polite for once.  
Now he had to take care of his own injuries. They were minor, only a slight graze on his left knee and a bruised elbow. He gently scrubbed at it with the antiseptic wipe. It wasn’t strictly hygienic to use the same one for two people, but fighting incomprehensible nightmare-Benrey was also not exactly OSHA-approved.  
After he finished tending to the scrape, he called Bubby and Dr Coomer over from the tree they had been standing under. Tommy was already anxiously hovering around Gordon.  
“Okay, everyone. That thing’s gonna come back at some point, but we don’t know when. We need to kill it somehow. Benrey? Any ideas?”

“When I was in the… void-place, I talked to the other me a lot. Um. I worked out that whenever I feel an emotion, we become further apart. It makes me more human. I don’t know if that helps.”

Gordon nodded. “Well. Any information is good, but I don’t really know how to work with that.”  
Benrey hummed indecisively, sending purple sweetvoice into the sky. “What if we work together? I mean, you managed to defeat both of us. Last time.”  
“Last time I did have a gun for an arm, so that might’ve-”  
“O- oh! I can call my father, if you want! He can probably help,” Tommy interrupted.  
Gordon didn’t want to ever interact with him again, but at least G-Man wasn’t actively trying to kill him. He nodded.  
“That’d be good. Could you do that, Tommy?”  
“Sure!”  
He pulled a scratched old Nokia out of his pocket, shakily dialling a number. Gordon was surprised. He’d expected G-Man to appear in a puff of smoke, or something like that. The disappointingly normal phone beeped twice, and then a tinny voice rang out from the speaker.  
“...Tommy? What is it?  
“Hi, dad! We- we need your help, if that’s okay? There’s a bit of a problem with Benrey. It’s not his fault, though,” Tommy said quickly.  
“Ah. What seems to be the problem?”  
“Well…”  
He explained the situation as fast as he could, and when he had finished, G-Man spoke in a voice that had somehow become even more serious.  
“That is… unprecedented. I was led to believe that Mister Freeman had been made aware of the situation, but I see that was an incorrect assumption. I will arrive shortly to advise you further. Do not do anything until I get there.” He hung up.  
“How long’s it going to take for him to arrive?” asked Gordon worriedly.  
Tommy opened his mouth.  
“He-”  
With a strange rustling sound, the sinister figure of G-Man materialised, hands folded behind his back. He stalked towards Gordon with an expression that made him fear for his life.  
“I was under the impression, Mister Freeman, that you were aware of Benrey’s recently acquired… defect.”

Benrey, watching as inconspicuously as possible, stepped back further into the bushes.

“So. What do you want me to get you?”  
“What?”  
“To incapacitate this creature. What do you need?”  
Gordon ran his hands through his hair.  
“... I don’t know. A weapon, of some sort?”  
“Would this be sufficient?” G-Man asked, drawing out what appeared to be a rifle, but glowing faintly yellow-orange around the edges. Gordon gingerly took the gun and aimed it at a sturdy-looking shrub, firing twice. The plant erupted into lilac flames and immediately burnt to a cinder, revealing Benrey. Their pupils shrank to lines and they tried to hide behind a charred twig.  
“Jeez. That’s a pretty powerful gun.” Gordon said.  
“I just hope it will be enough,” G-Man muttered, and disappeared as quickly as he had appeared.

———————————————————————

A snapping sound echoed through the woodland. It reverberated oddly for a minute, before fading. Gordon felt a prickle of fear. He gripped the handle of the rifle tightly, knuckles turning white.  
The noise came again, louder this time. Dr Coomer half-stood, rolling up his sleeves. Something was moving through the undergrowth.  
A small rabbit emerged from the leaves and twitched its nose. Gordon’s heart was racing. He tried to concentrate on the little creature. Only a rabbit. Only a rabbit. Only a-  
With a sickening crunch, its corpse was tossed into the air in the jaws of a nightmare.  
Tommy made a terrified squeak and covered his mouth.

“Gordon Freeman.”

Its voice sounded even more grating than last time.

“I’ve let you live for long enough.”

The grotesque antlers on its head burnt golden, darkness staining the tips. Gordon levelled the gun at a glassy eye and pulled the trigger. It screamed angrily, lashing its tail, and swiped at his face with the tip of an antler. He stumbled back, white-hot pain spiking through his nose.  
Dr Coomer grabbed hold of its head and it thrashed violently, trying to throw him off. Bubby joined in, just keeping the dragon’s muzzle shut. Gordon ran around to its flank, shooting wildly into the smoky form. With a final bucking twist, it broke free from the scientists’ grasp, reforming swiftly in the air and diving at Gordon, sending a flood of sweetvoice towards him. He just managed to throw himself aside in time, falling to the ground. Dr Coomer tried to recapture it, but a stray sphere of sweetvoice exploded in the grass next to him and Bubby, sending them flying.

“YOU CANNOT HELP HIM.”

Gordon’s vision was going dark. He watched detachedly as the creature bore down on him, lightning arcing from its multitude of eyes, fang-crammed mouth wide open. The world began to disintegrate into particles of light.

“Hey!”

Benrey sprinted at the dragon and tackled it to the ground. Coiling ribbons of smoke lashed like snakes, blinding them. They flailed blindly until a strangely soft form connected with their fingertips. It howled, but a tinge of fear was present in its voice.

“NO! Why are you doing this? Freeman is worthless!”

They ignored the protests and slashed at the enveloping darkness. Its wispy body seemed to solidify, leaking black blood. Discarding the knife, Benrey reached into the negative space of the dragon. They just registered a searing ache in his hands, but kept on. The pain spread up their arms like a disease, eating away at their nerve endings.

“Stop! We can work together! I can help you!”

A pair of yellow eyes met Benrey’s, a perfect mirror of theirs. He was vaguely aware of tears on his face.  
It wouldn’t be so bad, would it? To just give in. Gordon didn’t trust him anyway.  
Benrey was the bad one. The villain. He would just be doing what he was supposed to.  
Being who everyone expected him to be.

Their hand brushed the cold surface of something in the void. They took hold of it and felt a nauseating crack.

“So can he.”

His entire body was on fire. The monster dug innumerable sets of talons into his back. Blood mingled with the tears.

““̶YOU ̵W̵I̵L̵ ̴ ̸R̸E̶G̸R̷ ̸ ̸E̶̸ Ĕ̸͎ ̶̻̲͝ ̵̩͝͝ ̷̫̼͗̈́ ̵͙̻̌͝T̶͎͝͝Ḫ̴̅ ̶͕͐ ̸̠̯̉S̵̪̫̐ ̷̘̬̅ ̷̢̛͚ ̷̨̃̓ ̴͙̈I̷̻̾ ̴̰̀ ̴̛͔͝ ̶̘̓̽ ̶͎̓ ̶̲̙͑ ̵̵̧̡́͋T̵”̴

The shadow broke apart into flakes of ashy purple. Gordon, still lying stunned in the grass, met Benrey’s eyes with a terrified stare.

“It’s okay. I killed it. I killed it. We’re safe.”

He lost consciousness.

———————————————————————

“Benrey?”  
“What?” they said, voice flat and drained. Their head felt heavy, full of clouds.  
Gordon’s face came into focus. He was still holding tight to the gun.  
“Oh my god. You look awful.”  
“Thanks.”  
Gordon put his scarf around Benrey’s neck. “You’re covered in blood. And you… well, you…”

“Come on. It can’t be that bad.”

“Touch your hair.”

Benrey frowned. Hair? He was wearing a helmet. Nevertheless, he reached up and ran his fingers through the fringe he normally let fall over his forehead. With a lurch, he realised there was no helmet on his head. Only a branching pair of antlers.

“Dude? What the fuck?”

“I don’t even know. When you were killing that thing, it… like, leached into you. You kinda merged with it.”

Benrey blinked in surprise. “Hey, does that mean…?”

He vanished with a pop. Gordon spun around, about to call out, when Benrey stuck his head out from a tree and stared at Gordon.  
“I can teleport again!” they said excitedly.  
“Couldn’t you be- wait. Where are Bubby and Dr Coomer? And for that matter, where’s Tommy?”  
“They got thrown into the trees, I didn’t see where, though,” Benrey said distractedly.  
“Tommy? Can you hear me?” Gordon stepped tentatively into the undergrowth. A faint voice replied to him from the canopy.  
“M- Mister Freeman? We’re up here!”  
Tommy was sitting on a branch like an owl with Dr Coomer and Bubby, who looked slightly singed but otherwise all right.  
“There you are!” Gordon let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “How’d you get up there?”  
“I used my Extendo-Arms, Gordon!” Dr Coomer said, seeming utterly unperturbed by his brush with death. Gordon half-smiled. “Are you guys okay?” Dr Coomer nodded. “We’re fine. Tommy’s a little shaken up, though.” He hopped down from the tree and helped Bubby get down. Tommy carefully inched to the end of the bough and abruptly fell off. He sat up and sheepishly picked a leaf out of his hair. Benrey looked down at him for a moment and then extended a clawed hand to help him up.

———————————————————————

The walk back to the car was strangely peaceful. Nobody really talked, but the silence was nice. Gordon was still feeling the aftereffects of the adrenaline, and he left a trail of ripped-up leaves behind the group. Benrey periodically reached up to feel their antlers, and occasionally teleported from one place to another. It would have been unsettling if they hadn’t just fought an eldritch god.  
At last, the car came into view, parked on a patch of gravel on the edge of the woods. Gordon opened the door and got in, starting the car with a protesting rattle that didn’t bode well for the state of the engine. Benrey sat in the passenger seat. His antlers were dangerously close to the ceiling.

The drive home, too, was uneventful. It began to get dark, and at one point two deer - an adult and a little one - hurried across the road, just visible in the headlights.

It was night by the time they arrived. Gordon had never been so happy to see his room. It looked so different now, but also exactly the same. He took off his scarf, folded it up and put it in the laundry bag. There was blood on its fabric. Hopefully it would wash off.

Back in the spare room, Benrey curled up in a towel basket. He could hear the kettle, and the radio playing classical music faintly behind that.  
The towels smelled like laundry detergent. His ribs hurt, and his head ached, but he felt the calmest he had in a long time.  
Maybe the calmest he ever had.  
A moth landed on the palm of his outstretched hand and shut its wings just as Benrey closed his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapter!! they’re just vibing in this one :)

Chapter Five

A pair of hair-thin antennae swayed gently, peeking out from the coral. They sensed a slight variation in the current and withdrew at lightning speed, before the antennae’s owner - a transparent ghost shrimp - warily ventured out into open water. 

Above the surface, strange giants loomed, communicating in low booms that sent rattles through the coral’s spindly branches. A net was plunged into the tank, blindly stirring up the silt. The tiny shrimp frantically sculled up towards the light, darting through clouds of sediment. Finally, its claws scraped glass, and for the first time the shrimp emerged into the air.

“Fu- oh no. Tommy, it’s escaping again.”

Bubby picked up the ghost shrimp and placed it into a jar. It sank sadly back into the water. 

Tommy hooked the last shrimp out of the tank, whispering reassuringly to it as he placed it in a jam jar. The aquarium was empty now, its usual inhabitants temporarily rehomed in various containers on the laboratory counter. Every one of the eight goldfish, two fiddler crabs and ten shrimp were accounted for. Tommy smiled proudly at the array of sea life, before his face fell. There were  _ three  _ crabs, weren’t there. Taking a ruler from the table, he stirred the weeds. The tank was definitely empty.

“What is it?” Bubby asked. “Crab,” Tommy replied hurriedly, searching desperately under the table. A trail of water droplets led towards the landing, where the fiddler crab was sitting on the bannister. He advanced towards it, clutching the net. As the crab noticed him, raising an absurdly large claw, he picked it up and imprisoned it in a plastic box.

Bubby was waiting behind Tommy, holding his net like it was a gun. “If you hadn’t caught that thing then, we’d have been having crab legs for lunch today,” he said. Tommy clutched the box affrontedly. 

Benrey pushed open the door just as Tommy placed the incarcerated crab with its friends. They scratched their head in confusion, messing up already untidy black hair. 

**“Tommy, what are you doing?”** he asked. 

“We- we’re cleaning out the aquarium!” replied Tommy with a flourish of the net. “Every two weeks or so, we have to hoover the gravel and put in fresh water, so that the fish stay happy.” He pressed a vacuum into Benrey’s hands. “Can you clean the rocks? Bubby’ll help you,” he said. Benrey accepted the vacuum without comment, too tired to complain, and let Bubby show him how to clean the gravel. The first few times he tried it, stones kept getting stuck in the tube, but eventually he got the hang of it. It was surprising, the amount of dirt that had collected on the aquarium’s floor. Once it was clean, Bubby took a Mountain Dew bottle and scooped some water out of the tank, replacing it with fresh water from a nearby bucket. He released the shrimp back into the tank, closely followed by the goldfish. The two unoffending crabs were dropped in next. Bubby picked up the final fiddler crab and met its beady eyes. He could swear there was a glimmer of malice within them.

“Right, you-” he looked around to check that Tommy was out of earshot “-little bastard, if you ever escape again I’ll put you in the washing machine. Got it?” 

The crab plopped into the tank.

———————————————————————

Gordon was having a nightmare. It was about the battle again. He’d been relieving it, along with snatches of the Black Mesa Benrey fight, for the last two weeks. He was slowly getting better, but every day was a struggle not to collapse from exhaustion. In his dream, he watched helplessly as Benrey was torn at by multitudes of smoky jaws, iridescent blood pooling on the dirt like oil. The scene faded into a vaulted cavern the colour of rotting meat, words that Gordon couldn’t quite make out echoing weirdly off the walls. He called out to Benrey, who stood miles above him like a cliff face. He replied, and Gordon could nearly hear what he was saying-

**“Yo. Wake up, bro. You’re having another bad dream.”**

Blurry yellow eyes stared into his own. Gordon reached out and brushed Benrey’s face disorientatedly with a shaking hand before coming to his senses. 

“Meh?” He fumbled blindly for his glasses, finding them still on the bedside table. Putting them on, the world refocused and he found himself slipping halfway off his bed, which Benrey was standing on. Benrey jumped up and down slightly, trying to make Gordon fall onto the floor. They were  _ always  _ having to wake him up. Couldn’t Gordon just set an alarm clock? 

Finally, Gordon got ready, and everyone gathered in his room, amidst his persistent protests. It was barely big enough to accommodate the entire Science Team, but Tommy found that sitting in the wardrobe helped. “God, I feel awful,” muttered Gordon. Even a fortnight later, bruises still ached on the bridge of his nose and on his shins. 

“Benrey, how are you? You got hurt the worst.” 

They reached round to feel the mess of plasters and bandages on their back. Pain wasn’t something Benrey had really experienced before. It- well, it hurt, but they didn’t have any way to gauge how badly. 

**“I’m doing.”**

“...Doing okay?” Gordon asked. Benrey hummed in what he assumed was agreement. 

**“Mmyeah. Where are we going today?”** he asked eagerly. Having spent the vast majority of his life in the dusty halls of Black Mesa, Benrey found the outside world fascinating. He had recently visited a gas station with Dr Coomer and completely lost his mind at the “huge” amount of cars, which was six. Gordon found it hilarious, and competed with Bubby to choose the most mundane possible places to take him. Now, he mentally ran through the list. Supermarket? Went last Sunday. Ikea was too far. And, of course, he had already been to the gas station… “Do you want to go to the garden centre?” he asked. Bubby snorted.

**“The what?”**

“Garden centre. It’s where we bought our fish!” Tommy said.

Benrey gasped, letting out a single bubble of orange sweetvoice. 

**“Fish house?”**

“No, it’s a-” he tried to correct Benrey, but it was too late.

**“Fish house! Fish house! Fish house!”** they exclaimed, running off to get their coat. Gordon facepalmed, trying to hide a grin.

———————————————————————

“O’TOOLE’S” read a huge green sign on the wall of the garden centre. The leaves that it was decorated with were very pretty, Tommy thought. Admiring them, he didn’t notice the shopping trolley speeding towards him until Gordon seized the cart, admonishing Benrey, who has been pushing it. They found the entrance and headed straight for a surprisingly large number of trowels displayed on a rack next to the lawn mowers. Tommy had no idea what the difference was between all of them, but Gordon seemed to know. He surveyed the trowels and picked out a roughly heart-shaped one, which went into the trolley. “We need dirt,” Gordon said to himself. 

**“To eat?”** Benrey asked. 

“Don’t do that, you’d die. Dirt isn’t supposed to be eaten.” Gordon attempted to maintain a serious tone. He wheeled the cart over to a selection of peat bags, picking up the one at the top of the heap. Tommy took the other end of it and the sack was manoeuvred into the cart. Another one was placed on top. 

Gordon checked his shopping list. “Okie doke, we just need to get some more moss, and then we’re done. Tommy?” Tommy stopped stroking the AstroTurf rolls. “Could you go and get some moss for us? It’s over there.” He nodded enthusiastically and went over to the moss section. Picking up a small container of the moss, Tommy held it up towards Gordon. 

“This one?” he asked.

“That looks cool, put it in the cart.” 

Tommy spotted a velvety plant with long, emerald tendrils sitting on the top shelf. A yellowing label on its pot read  _ ‘Fern Moss’ _ . That sounded interesting. He stood on his tiptoes, stretching up towards it. The tips of his fingers scraped the ceramic. It was nearly in his hand, just a few more millimetres…

Tommy toppled into the moss shelf with a crash.

Gordon sighed.

———————————————————————

Benrey patted the newly-spread dirt tiredly. Along with Gordon and Dr Coomer, he had spent the whole afternoon redoing the lawn and scattering it with handfuls of grass seed. Currently, it was a slightly incongruous expanse of mud placed right in the middle of the garden. He quite liked it as it was, but Bubby had said that grass would soon sprout, hopefully blending into the rest of the lawn. Bubby had got bored about halfway through and gone back inside, but Gordon was resting at the picnic bench. They were both absolutely covered in soil. Benrey picked some off his sleeve and absentmindedly put it in his mouth.

**“So. Do we just wait for it to grow, then?”**

Gordon took off his gardening gloves, folding them into a tight square and tucking them into his pocket. “Yup.”

**“How long will it take?”**

“A couple weeks.”

The sun was dipping below the horizon. Trees fractured the light into a stained-glass window pattern, which turned Gordon’s eyes the colour of honey. Benrey went and sat down next to him.

“You okay?” 

**“I’m good.”**

They sat in the sunlight until it disappeared. Stars seemed to pop into existence just as Gordon noticed them. He could recognise a few constellations. The brightest, a cross of nine stars, twinkled faintly above their heads.

“That’s Cygnus, the swan,” he said, pointing up at it. Benrey squinted at the sky. 

**“Those aren’t birds?”**

“It’s a constellation. They’re patterns people see in the stars that look like animals, or humans, or whatever. I read about it in one of Dr Coomer’s encyclopedias,” he explained. “I guess I won’t be doing as much reading, now.”

**“Now that what?”** Benrey asks. “Now that you’re here, too,” Gordon replied.

**“I’m staying?”**

“Yeah. Didn’t Dr Coomer tell you?”

**“...No.”** Benrey was looking at Gordon like he had cured world hunger.

“You saved my life, even _if_ it was fighting yourself.” He laughed softly. 

Benrey pulled his jacket closer round his shoulders. They were shaking, but not from the cold. 

**“Really? No joking? Feetman one hundred percent serious?”**

This type of Benrey-talk would have infuriated Gordon three years ago, but he knew Benrey now. He replied in kind.

“Feetman one thousand percent serious.”

It was almost dark, but he could tell that Benrey was grinning. A string of yellow sweetvoice, like fairy lights, floated out of their mouth. 

Gordon put his arm around them and, together, they watched the sky fill with stars.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! :)  
> i have no idea how to use ao3 asjkjbvdfv help


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